Spurlock Holmes Chapter 11

By the time Vincent reached the very rear of the house, the BONKing had ceased and his partner was effortlessly being held by the collar of his coat by the tall man. He shouted, "SPURLOCK! Are you alright?" "Do not worry, my fine fellow. I have this guy right where I want him!" "Alright, WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?!" interrupted the slender stranger. Vincent spoke up, "My friend, we mean you no harm. We only want to know where we can find Igor." "Oh really? This man's attempt to break into my house says otherwise!" Spurlock grabbed the surprisingly strong stranger's pinky. "RUN, GREGORY! I'll take it from here! Save your-OOMPH!" He received a punch to the gut. "Shut your mouth and remove yourself from my property! I'll call the police if you don't!" Vincent cut in, "A splendid idea! Come, Mr. Holmes, let's shut your mouth and remove ourselves!" "But Greg! *cough & hack* That's *gasp* just what he wants!" "SO DO I! Let's GO!" The stranger's wide eyes and stunned silence caught their attention. "Did you just say 'Mr. Holmes'? As in THE Holmes?" Vincent raised his index finger and exclaimed, "Well, eh-heh, not exactly..." In jumped Spurlock, "THAT'S RIGHT you, commonplace... ugly... highly unlikable... schaun-, skauw-, shrou-, shrew-... blast, what's the word?" He looked at Vincent. "...Scoundrel?" "Indeed! You SCOUNDREL! And with my powers of deduction, I have deduced that you're none other than Igor, the keeper of this orphanage... if you could even call this an orphanage!" Sweat dripped down what was possibly Igor's face. He slowly lowered Spurlock to his feet. "Mr. Holmes, as much as I admire and respect your work, I must refute your claim. If I were the keeper of an orphanage... would I do this?" He whipped out two pistols, aiming at the both of them. Vincent raised his hands and staggered backwards. "Oh my..." Spurlock thought a moment. "Hmm... that is true. No orphan keeper I know would be carrying two concealed pistols." The non-orphan keeper glared at both of them. "Now, out with you." Just then, a shingle from the roof tumbled to the ground near Vincent. They all peered up to see a little girl apparently climbing out of her window to get a better look. She gasped: *GASP!*, frozen in fear. The commonplace ugly man yelled, "YOU! BACK INSIDE!" She swiftly returned through the window. Spurlock saw his chance and took it, pointing his own gun at the highly unlikable scoundrel. "Ah HA! Thought me a fool, did you? What private eye would go without any means of defense!" The you-already-get-it,-it's-Igor dropped one gun, but aimed intently at Vincent with the other. "...Ah, but you wouldn't want me to kill your partner here, now, would you?! I WILL! I SWEAR IT! I'm going to back out of here and you better not try anything, or your fat friend gets it." Spurlock Holmes grinned his signature grin. "I don't think so."