Spurlock Holmes Chapter 11

By the time Vincent reached the very rear of the house, the BONKing had ceased and his partner was effortlessly being held by the collar of his coat by the tall man. He shouted, "SPURLOCK! Are you alright?" "Do not worry, my fine fellow. I have this guy right where I want him!" "Alright, WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?!" interrupted the slender stranger. Vincent spoke up, "My friend, we mean you no harm. We only want to know where we can find Igor." "Oh really? This man's attempt to break into my house says otherwise!" Spurlock grabbed the surprisingly strong stranger's pinky. "RUN, GREGORY! I'll take it from here! Save your-OOMPH!" He received a punch to the gut. "Shut your mouth and remove yourself from my property! I'll call the police if you don't!" Vincent cut in, "A splendid idea! Come, Mr. Holmes, let's shut your mouth and remove ourselves!" "But Greg! *cough & hack* That's *gasp* just what he wants!" "SO DO I! Let's GO!" The stranger's wide eyes and stunned silence caught their attention. "Did you just say 'Mr. Holmes'? As in THE Holmes?" Vincent raised his index finger and exclaimed, "Well, eh-heh, not exactly..." In jumped Spurlock, "THAT'S RIGHT you, commonplace... ugly... highly unlikable... schaun-, skauw-, shrou-, shrew-... blast, what's the word?" He looked at Vincent. "...Scoundrel?" "Indeed! You SCOUNDREL! And with my powers of deduction, I have deduced that you're none other than Igor, the keeper of this orphanage... if you could even call this an orphanage!" Sweat dripped down what was possibly Igor's face. He slowly lowered Spurlock to his feet. "Mr. Holmes, as much as I admire and respect your work, I must refute your claim. If I were the keeper of an orphanage... would I do this?" He whipped out two pistols, aiming at the both of them. Vincent raised his hands and staggered backwards. "Oh my..." Spurlock thought a moment. "Hmm... that is true. No orphan keeper I know would be carrying two concealed pistols." The non-orphan keeper glared at both of them. "Now, out with you." Just then, a shingle from the roof tumbled to the ground near Vincent. They all peered up to see a little girl apparently climbing out of her window to get a better look. She gasped: *GASP!*, frozen in fear. The commonplace ugly man yelled, "YOU! BACK INSIDE!" She swiftly returned through the window. Spurlock saw his chance and took it, pointing his own gun at the highly unlikable scoundrel. "Ah HA! Thought me a fool, did you? What private eye would go without any means of defense!" The you-already-get-it,-it's-Igor dropped one gun, but aimed intently at Vincent with the other. "...Ah, but you wouldn't want me to kill your partner here, now, would you?! I WILL! I SWEAR IT! I'm going to back out of here and you better not try anything, or your fat friend gets it." Spurlock Holmes grinned his signature grin. "I don't think so."

Spurlock Holmes Chapter 10

The duo made their way in the general direction Tiffany indicated. Approximately four minutes later, they came upon an old, run-down, two-story house. Spurlock straightened his coat dramatically. "Hmph. This must be the place. Seems as though Little Girl was of use to us after all." He glanced at his partner, who didn't remove his gaze from the building. "You know, Mr. Holmes, I don't think this is-" Spurlock cut in, "THE right approach?" Couldn't agree more, old chum. Going through the front door would be far too orthodox, and I'd wager this place is loaded with booby-traps of the cleverest caliber." "No, Mr. Holmes, I don't mean-" "TO imply they're slicker than I? My God, it's as if we had a telepathetic connection between us!" Vincent just stared at him for few seconds, in awe of Holmes' oddness. Then started, "So-" "WE SHALL DIVIDE AND SURELY CONQUER!" He lowered his hat, and quickly turned left. "I'll sneak in from the back window, you sneak in through the front. Let's MOVE!" Vincent sighed in surrender and walked straight to the front door, giving it a few knocks. The door swung open to reveal a dark, ghastly interior and a tall, slender middle-aged man. "May I help you, sir?" "Yes. Uh... Sorry to disturb you, but might this be Igor's Orphanage?" The tall man dressed in pure black smiled back, "Ah, the orphanage. I'm afraid that's just a hop, skip and a jump back the way you came! On foot it should be no more than..." He checks his watch. "Ten hours." Vincent looked at him in shock. "Egads, that's quite the inconvenience. Oh, well, thank you for your-" BONK! A loud sound like that of a blunt object being whacked against a back window by an idiot resounded through the house. Vincent merely buried his face in his hands. BONK! The doorman looked back inside, then again at his visitor. "What's the meaning of this?" BONK! "I'm sorry, sir, you see-" BONK! BONK! BONK! "WHO'S THERE?!" He stomped back inside, slamming the door inches from Vincent, who rushed around the right side of the house. "Good heavens, I should have kept an eye on that fool..." Running as fast as his stout body would allow, he soon crossed paths with a young, skinny, poorly-dressed boy. He halted immediately, peering at him in concern. BONK. "Ohhh, damn it all... Sorry, lad, my questions must wait. Don't move, I'll be back in a moment!" He continued his sprint while the boy only stared blankly.