Spurlock Holmes Chapter 11

By the time Vincent reached the very rear of the house, the BONKing had ceased and his partner was effortlessly being held by the collar of his coat by the tall man. He shouted, "SPURLOCK! Are you alright?" "Do not worry, my fine fellow. I have this guy right where I want him!" "Alright, WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?!" interrupted the slender stranger. Vincent spoke up, "My friend, we mean you no harm. We only want to know where we can find Igor." "Oh really? This man's attempt to break into my house says otherwise!" Spurlock grabbed the surprisingly strong stranger's pinky. "RUN, GREGORY! I'll take it from here! Save your-OOMPH!" He received a punch to the gut. "Shut your mouth and remove yourself from my property! I'll call the police if you don't!" Vincent cut in, "A splendid idea! Come, Mr. Holmes, let's shut your mouth and remove ourselves!" "But Greg! *cough & hack* That's *gasp* just what he wants!" "SO DO I! Let's GO!" The stranger's wide eyes and stunned silence caught their attention. "Did you just say 'Mr. Holmes'? As in THE Holmes?" Vincent raised his index finger and exclaimed, "Well, eh-heh, not exactly..." In jumped Spurlock, "THAT'S RIGHT you, commonplace... ugly... highly unlikable... schaun-, skauw-, shrou-, shrew-... blast, what's the word?" He looked at Vincent. "...Scoundrel?" "Indeed! You SCOUNDREL! And with my powers of deduction, I have deduced that you're none other than Igor, the keeper of this orphanage... if you could even call this an orphanage!" Sweat dripped down what was possibly Igor's face. He slowly lowered Spurlock to his feet. "Mr. Holmes, as much as I admire and respect your work, I must refute your claim. If I were the keeper of an orphanage... would I do this?" He whipped out two pistols, aiming at the both of them. Vincent raised his hands and staggered backwards. "Oh my..." Spurlock thought a moment. "Hmm... that is true. No orphan keeper I know would be carrying two concealed pistols." The non-orphan keeper glared at both of them. "Now, out with you." Just then, a shingle from the roof tumbled to the ground near Vincent. They all peered up to see a little girl apparently climbing out of her window to get a better look. She gasped: *GASP!*, frozen in fear. The commonplace ugly man yelled, "YOU! BACK INSIDE!" She swiftly returned through the window. Spurlock saw his chance and took it, pointing his own gun at the highly unlikable scoundrel. "Ah HA! Thought me a fool, did you? What private eye would go without any means of defense!" The you-already-get-it,-it's-Igor dropped one gun, but aimed intently at Vincent with the other. "...Ah, but you wouldn't want me to kill your partner here, now, would you?! I WILL! I SWEAR IT! I'm going to back out of here and you better not try anything, or your fat friend gets it." Spurlock Holmes grinned his signature grin. "I don't think so."

Spurlock Holmes Chapter 10

The duo made their way in the general direction Tiffany indicated. Approximately four minutes later, they came upon an old, run-down, two-story house. Spurlock straightened his coat dramatically. "Hmph. This must be the place. Seems as though Little Girl was of use to us after all." He glanced at his partner, who didn't remove his gaze from the building. "You know, Mr. Holmes, I don't think this is-" Spurlock cut in, "THE right approach?" Couldn't agree more, old chum. Going through the front door would be far too orthodox, and I'd wager this place is loaded with booby-traps of the cleverest caliber." "No, Mr. Holmes, I don't mean-" "TO imply they're slicker than I? My God, it's as if we had a telepathetic connection between us!" Vincent just stared at him for few seconds, in awe of Holmes' oddness. Then started, "So-" "WE SHALL DIVIDE AND SURELY CONQUER!" He lowered his hat, and quickly turned left. "I'll sneak in from the back window, you sneak in through the front. Let's MOVE!" Vincent sighed in surrender and walked straight to the front door, giving it a few knocks. The door swung open to reveal a dark, ghastly interior and a tall, slender middle-aged man. "May I help you, sir?" "Yes. Uh... Sorry to disturb you, but might this be Igor's Orphanage?" The tall man dressed in pure black smiled back, "Ah, the orphanage. I'm afraid that's just a hop, skip and a jump back the way you came! On foot it should be no more than..." He checks his watch. "Ten hours." Vincent looked at him in shock. "Egads, that's quite the inconvenience. Oh, well, thank you for your-" BONK! A loud sound like that of a blunt object being whacked against a back window by an idiot resounded through the house. Vincent merely buried his face in his hands. BONK! The doorman looked back inside, then again at his visitor. "What's the meaning of this?" BONK! "I'm sorry, sir, you see-" BONK! BONK! BONK! "WHO'S THERE?!" He stomped back inside, slamming the door inches from Vincent, who rushed around the right side of the house. "Good heavens, I should have kept an eye on that fool..." Running as fast as his stout body would allow, he soon crossed paths with a young, skinny, poorly-dressed boy. He halted immediately, peering at him in concern. BONK. "Ohhh, damn it all... Sorry, lad, my questions must wait. Don't move, I'll be back in a moment!" He continued his sprint while the boy only stared blankly.

Spurlock Holmes Chapter 9

Spurlock crossed his battered arms. "Ah, finally talking, are you?" Vincent brushed Spurlock aside, "Please, let me handle this." Spurlock gave a determined nod, and then backed away. Vincent squatted next to Tiffany and said, "Listen, I know you haven't done anything." He points to Holmes, "Just tell Spurlock that and he'll leave you alone." Tiffany looked up at him, "Really? Are you sure?" "Positive." Tiffany turned to Spurlock and said, "I didn't do any--" "LIAR!" Spurlock zoomed in her face. "I KNOW it was you! What other explanation is there for you to be having THIS?" He grabbed the M9 9mm Beretta pistol from Vince's hands and shook it in front of her. Vincent just stared in awe. "You mean, that wasn't yours, Mr. Holmes?" He took the gun from Spurlock, who shook his head. "As you can see, this little 'defenseless' girl had a BIG trick up her sleeve, one that only MY keen eye..." he pokes his own right eye, "...could have noticed." Vince wiped himself off with a handkerchief, "I must say, Spurlock, you never cease to surprise me. Well, if this is the case, little girl, please explain why you had an M9 9mm Beretta pistol in you possession." Spurlock joined in, shoving his own pistol up her nose, "Yeah! Talk or we'll load yer brains fulla--" "NO! Stop it! We're not going to kill her! Let's just hear what she has to say. Go ahead, young lady." Vince lifted Tiffany's head to find that she was fast asleep. Now Spurlock was angry. He shook her and then said, "I'm giving you 'til the count of 3 to say something useful!" He cocked his gun. "1..." Tiffany awoke and immediately spewed out information. "My father made me do it..." "Made you do what?" "Since we were little, my father would send us out on...errands." "What kind of errands?" "Errands like stealing things and stuff." Vince's eyes were wide, "What sort of things did you steal?" "Oh, just usually wallets, money, bread, clothes, $10,000 golden pocket watches that had been passed down for over 5 generations...nothing special." Vincent jumped back, throwing his handkerchief in the air. The handkerchief landed on Spurlock's cross-eyed face, causing him to fall backwards, his hat to fall off, and his gun to fire. *PTAOO!* Both Vincent and Tiffany yelped and ducked their heads, feeling a splash of water upon them. Vincent blinked, "Wha...what is this? Water?" Spurlock put his hat back on, pulled the handkerchief off of his face and handed it to Vincent, "I'm sorry you had to get caught in the fire, Greg. You should never cover a man's eyes when he's carrying a pistol! These sort of things can happen." "You mean, your pistol was...a squirtgun?" Spurlock nodded seriously. Vincent laughed, "That's just like you, Spurlock. I knew you couldn't harm a little girl." Spurlock looked confused as to why they weren't dying. "Oh, I see. Fortunately, it seems as though the water merely grazed you. Consider yourselves lucky, a couple inches closer and you'd have been goners." Vince stood up again, "Well, that's a relief." Vince realized that the gun he had in his own hand was a real one, and so he quickly stuffed it inside his coat. "Alright then, little girl. Please tell us where we can find your father." Tiffany pointed north with her foot and said, "Thataway. He lives in a place called 'Igor's Orphanage'. It isn't far from here." Vincent nodded fervently, "I see. What his name?" "Igor." "Well, that makes sense. Thank you very much, you have helped us greatly, little girl." Spurlock smiled, twirling his realistic-looking-and-sounding squirtgun like a cowboy and sticking it in a holster within his coat. "Yes, little girl, you've been a big help, and you are of no use to us anymore. Later!" Both Spurlock Holmes and Vincent Gregory skipped off north. "MY NAME'S TIFFANY YOU DOLTS! AND AREN'T YOU GOING TO UNTIE ME?" They were so far that they couldn't hear her.

Pikmin Strike

2nd Day

Blue: "Why, what a wonderful morning it is! WOOH!"
Olimar: "Why, yes, I most certainly agree. You are being most cooperative today!"
Blue: "But of course! You are he, the humanoid what plucked me from the ground, he who is my leader. WOOH!"
Olimar: "Ye be a rather bright little Pikmin! If I were to actually pay ye a salary, I'd probably give you a raise. But, then again, when ye died soon after, the money would be lost, and that would be just silly. Listen to me ramble! Back to work, Blue Slave!"
Blue: '>_> "Wooh!"

[Later, after another epic battle between the Pikmin and a provocative group of Bulborbs...]

Olimar: "Phew! All that pointing and ordering ye slaves around has gotten me pooped! I shall rest, and ye shall continue protecting my ship."
Blue: "Master, I have made an observation that you may wish to hear."
Olimar: "Ah, hast ye, lowly Blue Pikmin? Please, do bring this to my awareness."
Blue: "I have heard about creatures known as Doodlebugs, those which emit a poisonous gas that can suffocate Pikmin within seconds. As they pose a moderate threat to the welfare of our tribe, I would like to further investigate these monsters, as well as their whereabouts, to more capably protect my Master and his ship."
Olimar: "Hmm...ye hath convinced me that thine loyalties are with me, and thus, your wish be granted to ye."
Blue: "You will not regret this decision, Master."

[Back at Pikmin HQ, underneath the Blue Onion]

Blue 2: "What did he say? What did he say?"
Red: "He said I'm his favorite!!"
Blue: (smacks Red) "He gave us the OK, so we can now search for the Doodlebugs!"
Blue 2: "YAY!"
Yellow: "Wait, 'we'?"
Blue: "Feel free to join us, or sit back like a pee-colored coward."
Yellow 2: "You're on your own with this, because I know what you're up to, and it's just plain wrong."
Red 2: "Wait, 'we'??"
Blue 3: "Is there an echo in here?"
Blue: "I'm out, anyone who's coming with, follow me."
[10 Blues march out, and 1 Red]
Yellow: "Hold up! Red, why are you going?"
Red: "I'm going?? OH!! I don't wanna turn pee-colored.."
Yellows: ;<

Poems!

my Still Flower In Fall

...all around me burns new fire, these fires drive me insane. child entertainment. to me, and in my kind, they drain through the hole of my strife. what allows me the action to pray...strive. flames die, and my still flower in fall that remains...it means the girl to be. Dear me, i'm sinking...and searching...store all wishes: why bother dreaming of strife? Won't fate be, what it is...see; i still try, no matter what. Bet that i've wept my eyes...come all to see...they're everlasting, but they're a part of me....

I Fill not Hollow Stem

...wishes strong; every sting I caught I had run with, ill paid. Nevertheless, I drew out the pay I did... would I do that I loved? Or was I to fall inside these fires; preach a promise, teach a failure. I deserved these gains, but not any more. Hence, I fill not hollow stem, but deep root.